Don't Push Through it, Walk Through It: With God

This is a simple summary of my new book I am working on

Don't Push Through It, Walk Through It: With God

Getting Over Loss and Grief

By Angelica Carmouche

Summary:

Often times, I have thought that every trial and tribulation that I have gone through was something that came into my life as something being against me or something or someone was attacking me in my life and I just had to forget about it in order to push through it. I felt that I basically had to push the incident or time frame out of my mind and focus on something else.

Naturally, I believe that some people would agree with those statements, you know…just push through whatever is ailing you. Don't think about it. Find other things to occupy your mind and your time and in time things will feel normal again. It is a negative form of thinking because you are avoiding the reality of what actually happened to you. It also brings up a couple questions: like what exactly is "normal" and how do I get back to it without feeling that normal won't ever be unless this had never happened to me? These are hard questions huh? Yeah, I think so. I think that when you force yourself to forget things that have happened to you in life you actually end up losing a portion of who you are and you forget that there is a bigger purpose for life. I have come to find throughout some very depressing and harrowing moments in my life that there is a big huge universe of purpose and a defining power behind that purpose that holds not only challenge for getting stronger but also opportunity for mental and emotional clarity, spiritual growth and an ever increasing growth and strengthening of faith. This power behind the purpose is our Heavenly Father and the Lord God Jesus Christ.

The realization that I have come to is this: when we face the issues and facts of the circumstances that surround what has happened to us to create the trials and tribulations that we have gone through and go to God in prayer, we give ourselves over to God. When we give ourselves over to God we are opening ourselves up to a multitude of blessings that can then change our lives. We begin to walk through our pain with God holding our hand and in walking through the pain not pushing through the pain we begin to accept and heal.

This book is going to describe some serious drama that I have gone through in my life. Lord Jesus, big smile. Some serious drama that most likely wouldn't have happened if I had not allowed negative thinking and negative thought control my life. Yet hey, I am not perfect…right, I am human. I learned over time, most recently in fact, that God heard my prayers, heard my cries, and He heeded my call and out of all the crap that I went through, I actually have some triumphs. There is still more to my story that I have not lived through yet but as I walk through this with God at the forefront I am reminded that not only is my story not over there is more wonderful things to come and that is the hope for a future.

Have Time Anyone?

Well, I have been learning somethings these past few months...doing alot of reading...I mean alot of reading.  The Blessed Life by Pastor Robert Morris, the Bible, books with passages of scripture and the Bible. Every now and again around seven thirty, I read to my son...Baby's First Bible Stories and What to do with the Boo Hoo Baby...thats fun.

I may squeeze some house work in there, but basically my house looks like the center circle of you know where. I have washed but unfolded clothes on everywhere but the kitchen counters and tables...a few dishes left to wash...because we only have so many of those...hahah...got to wash those dishes. Trash has been taken out Thank GOD. But I feel like there is never enough time. I found myself getting frustrated to the point of well...I don't know what because it is literally the minute I get my house looking like nobody lives there...we live in it and it gets trashed out again. Toys everywhere...blocks...books, teddy bears...more blocks...socks. Oh and movies because my son loves movies.

For anyone who doesn't know I am a single mother so my child goes to daycare and I work...I am expecting again with eight weeks left so by the time I get back from work and get up situated in the house, I am tired, tired, tired. Again... Time Time Time.

Most people wish for time, more time, to do this, more time to do that....to go back in time and do what wasn't done so that they wouldn't have to do what the are doing now. I had to learn that God has his own time too and I am not on my time schedule, I am on God's time schedule and when He wants something done that is when it needs to be done. Usually when He says get it done, it means right then...not later.

I am one of the world's biggest procrastinators...I believe myself to be a good pressure worker, or that I work well under pressure. Well at least that is what I used to think. I no longer fool myself into believing that foolishness. I now know I have to make time for everything otherwise I will never get anything done. Now since I will have two babies running around the house taking up another piece of time I feel I do not have enough of...I have to get more organized than I ever thought I could be.

It is stressful to feel as if you do not have enough time to do housework, enough time to spend with the kids, any time to shower, any time to eat...any time to sleep...no time no time...if only I had enough time. God give me peace.

For all the work we do everyday in order to make money to pay bills just to come home to a house that is in a state of disarray it can weigh heavily on our hearts and our minds and create a depressing stressed feeling. That is why I have started something that to me I feel is new to my heart. It may not be new to some...I know it is not new at all...but seeing as I had never fully employed this process...it is a new process for me.

I am dedicating the first of my time to the Lord. I wake up at 4a.m. well before my child...that may change in eight weeks with the new baby but for now...I wake first. I am starting to give the first of my time to the Lord so that He will bless the rest of my day and I will feel less stressed and have more peace of mind to get my tasks done throughout the day. It is a good concept that can become habitual and a part of life if applied daily. If in everything you put God first...start first with your time...God will give you more of.

The whole idea of tithing extends much further than money...although we have to be faithful in that as well. Having faith and having faith stretched is a painful experience especially if you have never been tested before. I don't believe I had been truly tested until now. The experiences so many people have gone through, everything that I could have avoided...but God is testing me so now I know there is a developmental process that I have to go through in order to become fully rounded in the Lord...part of that...the most important part...is putting God first in everything...time, money, effort and purpose.

Ecc 6:7 We work for our own desires and yet we crave even more..

Crave God, put him first and He will pour out blessings for you that you never imagined. Hold tight to faith. Make God your purpose in life by willing your efforts towards what He wants you to do with your time. Place your heart on God and everything in your will be blessed including the all elusive time...smile.

Lesson Learned: More God, Less Me.

There are many reasons people may choose to fast. Some may fast to lose weight. Others fast for religious traditional reasons at certain times of the year. What I have learned from fasting this year is fasting is to humble oneself before God. To completely surrender in faith and trust to God. In humbling oneself, we are asking God to take over and we are asking God to draw nearer to us. We are asking God to change us. God does not change for us when we fast because God is the same now as He was in the beginning as He always will be. When we fast we are changing ourselves in order for Him to work through us and in us. We are seeking our true selves through God. We are saying Yes to Him and saying More of you Lord and less of me.

If you choose to fast, you can take comfort in knowing that a fast is anything you wish to refrain from for a certain amount of time. You can take a fast of food which is the most common or you can do other fasts...you can fast from television, you can fast from sex, you can fast from smoking, you can fast from anything that you wish the Lord to speak to you about during your fast so that you can receive your breakthrough. It is important to pray while you fast, because like said, it is a surrender...and refraining from anything for any porportionate length of time takes patience and most importantly prayer.

Fasting brings you closer to God, it allows you to remove yourself from what it is that you are fasting from so that God can remove blockages from your life and work miracles for you. Have faith and trust that God wants to work wonderful things for you. He loves you. I have learned this over my previous fast: More God, Less Me.

Sincerely,

Drisana

Urgent Prayer!

From Anne Rhodes: (PRAY FOR MY COUSIN'S GREAT GRANDBABY/CHARLIE RAY FURRUH) Charlie Ray, 1 year old baby girl, was operated on to remove a malfunctioning kidney, but by mistake the doctor removed the GOOD kidney. They are air lifting her to Dallas ASAP to get a kidney transplant. Please pray for this to happen QUICKLY and for God to sustain this little girl and her parents during this difficult time. Pray for God's wisdom and strength for the family and God's healing touch to be upon Baby Charlie Ray. Pray for a successful transplant in Jesus' name. The family are all believers.  Thanks so much!

Cravings

Lord God in Heaven, I used to crave for physical things, more clothes than I need, more time than I need, more food, more of everything. All these physical cravings consumed my thoughts, my lifestyle, my everyday when I should have been craving more of you. I knew you were always there Lord, at my side, at my back but I should have been looking for you at my front to guide me. I lost sight of what I was supposed to have been doing. I was walking without a plan. With too many clothes, too little time and money management and too much food consumption.  I had only to rely on you for a plan instead of relying only on me. Over consumption of anything will lead to a loss of something with whatever I do. Spending too much leads to debt, not managing money and time wisely leads to waste and allowing food to consume me has led to unhealthy body and an unhealthy spirit life. I don't want my spirit to starve Lord so I rely on you so that I can resist the tempations and redirect my cravings onto you Lord. Jesus, Lord you were tempted so I know I am not alone. Temptation does not have to come in the form of food, it can be in any form, and produce all kinds of cravings. Lead me not into temptation guide me towards your spirit of truth. Today I sustain a deep craving Lord God, a craving for your spirit and truth. I wish to be consumed by the spiritual cravings of truth and life, not of darkness and death. The life of the righteous is in your hands. Lead me to the cross where I lay my burden down. God be with me.

Amen.

Drisana

Search for a Deeper Meaning

Sometimes when I write or think I have rambling thoughts and everything comes out jumbled and confused. It is like I am typing on the keyboard and every second or third key that I hit sticks and I have to hit it several times and it ends up like ttttttttttthis. Does life seem like this to you sometime? That is when I realize that I have to take deep breaths and quiet the noise in my mind and in my heart and ask God for peace. I have learned over the past week and nearing sooner to end of this week of truly allowing God to take over and in handing over my problems, fears and concerns to God, not to pick those problems back up and try and tell Him what to do with them. In the past couple of weeks of fasting and prayer I have found a portion of inner peace that has allowed me to truly surrender to God and not fear the future unknown.

Lord God, my life is in your hands. To you I give total surrender and hand over all my worries, fears, doubts, insecurities to you. I will not pick these problems back up turn them over in my hand and look at them and tell you what to do with them. I will let go, as it well should be with total faith in my surrender to you Lord. Keep guiding me Lord and draw me closer to you so that I may have strenght in the journey.

Amen

Drisana

The Weekend (fasting)

I have learned that God peaks to you when you are quiet and all the noise is quieted in your life. That includes the noise in my mind. I experienced my own awakening this weekend. I felt the presence of God and it was while I was lying down, my child was sleeping...the television was off and my eyes were closed. This is what I heard:

Some people who experience God tell you they have experienced Him and it is usually after a huge loss. The Lord has moved into their lives they tell you and changed them and it is after they have experienced a trial or a terrible circumstance. There is nothing wrong with that the Lord was telling me because it has happened to me. But what then...the Lord asked me personally, what have you done after God has come in cleaned everything up made you feel better and moved you forward in your life? Remember now....God was speaking to me...ok. Let me change the tone. The Lord asked me "what have you done after I have cleaned everything up, you have taken the mile I have given you and regressed backward inch by inch until you are doing exactly the same thing you were doing before that led you to calling out to me in the first place. If you would have just stayed with me instead of pulling back you would have been even further along. Does that make sense to you? The Lord asked me that...does that make sense to you girl? "

The Lord showed me in my mind where I had asked for His help, called out His name and how in turn He had answered me. He showed me the times He had placed answers in front of me and I chose other paths and he showed me how He had even used those diverted paths of mine to better me. The simplest thing is this, God told me this in my personal prayer..."you don't need a loss to call out to me. You don't need a terrible circumstance or a horrible consequence. You don't need those things at all to have me in your life all the time. You can have victory in your life without having to suffer loss after loss after loss. I don't want you to suffer, I want you to experience the freedom of knowing that I am with you everday, every moment, and that you can be secure and happy with that knowledge and move forward in a positive way."

As I prayed on this, I understood that I do not want to suffer any more losses either. I want God in my life without the pain of self-inflicted loss and I do not want to regress either. I didn't know how long it was going to take for my own spiritual awakening. It was pretty quick by what I considered my standards. I guess it is because I discovered that I am expecting again and the Lord who knows everything revealed these things to me now in this short period of time. Now my prayer is focused on having another healthy pregnancy and birth. My faith levels have definitely been raised. My attitude about food has changed as my hunger for spiritual food has grown. It is absolutely amazing what God can actually do.

I pray that God continues to use me as an inspiration and I pray that if you decide the same that you experience your own awakening with God.

Praise God by the power of His Holy Name, Lord Jesus

Amen

Drisana 

Day 5, of 21 Day Fast

I am grateful to God that I started today out with a prayer. "Lord God, just be with me Jesus." I had no idea how much strenght I would gather from those few words in a prayer. I can't express that enough because I have said those words many times today. Lord God, just be with me Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. There is nothing like the "name" of "Jesus".

Oh, it was tough today, really rough. The devil working all kinds of tricks on my mind and in my heart. But you know it wouldn't be God if the devil wasn't trying to work me. My birthday is coming up and a friend of mine wants to take me to lunch, I asked him if he would mind waiting until after 5p.m. and I told him why. It is a fast from sun up to sun down I told him. Well, he told me it was just foolishness that he would have to "plan his life around events" and he wasn't going to do it. So I told him "nevermind." God, God, God, oh well, something must be coming to revelation that day on my 35th birthday. I will wait and pray on it. The Lord knows I am being true to my committment.

Keep me in your prayers, this is as I have said a committment to God and I am dedicated to keeping my word. It has been for sure a conditioning of mind, body and spirit.

Be still and have faith in the Lord whose strenght I hold near to my heart.

Drisana

Day 4 of 21 Day Fast

Not by my will, Lord, but by your will be done. That is what has been rolling through my head all day today as the 4th day of my 21 day fast leads toward a close. It is interesting to me how far from God and His perspective I have been in life. After removing food for just four days now how much I have leaned on nothing but the support of the Lord God Jesus Christ. How I have called on His name just in my mind. It is interesting to note that this is not something that I have done in my life just daily. I have prayed yes, I have seen God answer prayer and have felt the power of prayer in my life yes. I have been a testimony and have seen my own personal miracles occur but now I can actually say that I have felt God pull me closer in to Him and I have felt His presence more.

There is more to this I know, there is more than I have to learn. I want to learn more, I yearn to learn more to feel more to have more passion in life for Christ. I have committed myself to this fast and it is absolutely amazing to me that I have a new desire a new driving hunger to have a more initimate relationship with God.

I cannot speculate on what will happen next. I am experiencing as I go through this and I am learning. It is not easy but when it gets the hardest and believe me the devil tries to play on my mind...calling on the name of the Lord and praying Lord, God if this be your will then let it be. Not by my will but by your will Lord God be done. Total surrender, total trust.

Have faith and be still.

Drisana

Day 3, of 21 Day Fast

Day 3 has been a challenge and an answer to prayer. I honestly did not expect a call to my heart such as this when the Lord spoke to me. Some challenges have been on my heart and you know with challenge we feel troubled and with those troubles I went to the Lord in prayer asking for guidance. I received an answer to this prayer as quickly as my mind thought the request. I was told not only to keep blogging but I was told to write the past troubles that I had gone through out.

Being an imperfect person, I have been through many different things, my own self inflicted trials and tribulations and have not always actively sought God in my life. Of course I always believed in God, I always believed that Jesus Christ died for me and my sins. Yet I did not fully know what that meant and in my ignorance, I lived my life for myself not fully having surrendered my life over to God. I believed in God and yet I lived as if He did not exist. I only went to Him if I saw there was no other way not fully realizing that He is the way.

Lord, I do not wish to live my life as if you were a sidebar to my question mark. I wish to live my life in complete surrender to you God. I wish to live my life in total trust in your truth and your word. God in giving myself over to you, I have complete faith that you will redeem me in what has been lost and I will be found in the protective Glory of your Grace and your Heavenly Holy Spirit. Thank you Lord God, for your mercy, thank you Lord God for all that you have done for me. That my sins have been forgiven by the sacrifice you made with your son Jesus. Thank you Lord God. In your Heavenly name I pray.

Amen

Drisana

Day 2 of 21 Day Fast

Day 2 of 21 day fast has reached midday and I have not had a single craving for food. I am leaning more on spiritual hunger and a thirst for more of what God has in store for me. Life gets in the way of alot of things. I have found that when I am not thinking of breaking for lunch or what to snack on next, I am conversating more and more with God. This challenge is just that a challenge to discipline myself through prayer and devotion that the Lord will take care of all things that come my way.

This fast like any other challenge in life is just one way to show that God has the reign no matter what we may think we are in control of. It is like my Grandmother used to tell me, the best way to make the Lord laugh is to tell him your plans. God has a positive plan for all our lives. I believe that more now than I have ever believed anything in my life. We make what we think are mistakes but God takes our "mistakes" and turns them for His Glory.

Lord, your ways, make known to me. Teach me your paths, guide me in your truths and teach me. For you are my God, my Savior, for you I wait all the day. Psalms 25:4-5


Drisana

I can do all things through the God that strengthens me.

Day 1 of 21 Day Fast Part 2

Well, the first day of my 21 day fast has come to a close and it has been in no way an easy task. I have to say that the temptation was all around me whispering in both ears, but the Lord kept me strong. I am ready for rest and another day of prayer and fasting as I continue on this journey of spiritual growth.

Keep me in your prayers. For those of you who are reading this, I appreciate your support as it means alot to me. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Here is a prayer to end this post.

Lord, God, Heavenly Father,
Surround me with the strenght of your presence and guide my path oh Lord. Bless all those who are reading this and fill them with the spirit of your presence allowing them to know that you are always there walking the road they are traveling on. Stay by our side as we walk with you oh Lord to the destination and glorious blessings that you have planned for us. For you have said that you have a plan for our lives oh Lord. A plan not to harm but to prosper us. Prosper us spiritually and emotionally oh Lord that we may glorify you in our works and in our words and our day to day activities. In this I pray, by the power of your holy name Lord, God Jesus Christ.
Amen.

Love,
Drisana

Day 1 of 21 Day Fast

Well, it is day 1 of my 21 day fast and of course the day was started out with a prayer. Dear Lord, I do not know what I am doing but I know you will help me along my way. As I start this journey, walk with me Lord. Let me not close off my mind just to keep from thinking of food but allow my mind to be open to you Lord Jesus. Allow my spirit to be receptive to what you want revealed to me over the next several days and lead me in the direction you wish for me to go.

Thank you Lord Jesus in your Heavenly name I pray, Amen.

I am praying constantly in my mind, be with me Jesus over and over. Every moment now, my mind is on the Lord. It is actually surrender to God to trust that I do not have to rely on food for any comfort and that is hard because for so long food has been my comfort. Now I am telling God, Lord you are my only comfort here because I have removed food from my comfort zone. Only God is occupying my comfort zone. Wow, how much does it take to say that and actually mean it? It is a faith feeling.

I will attempt to post two messages a morning message and an afternoon/evening message. I am drawing nearer to the Lord believing in the promise that He will draw closer to me. I am walking a journey to discover what my true purpose is and how to fulfill it. Pray for me as I continue to pray. I hope to inspire as others have inspired me and during this time to keep hold to my faith and encourage me I am reading AWAKENING A New Approach to Faith, Fasting, and Spiritual Freedom 21 days to Revolutionize your Relationship with God By Stovall Weams.

Pastors Stovall and Kerri Weams have been an inspiring aspect in my life and just hearing them speak and teach at Women's Conferences or on special Sundays at HPC, I have been blessed to have received the word from them. It is amazing how much being in attendance at HPC has changed my life. Pastors Dino and Delynn Rizzo the leaders at Healing Place Church are absolutely amazing; God has through them opened Faith doors for me. I thank God for them. It is only by walking through those faith doors that I have the devotion and strenght to go through this and I know that God will carry and see me through. I look forward to this learning experience and the spiritual growth that comes from it.

Drisana

Happy New Year

Happy New Year! Every Dec 31, we mourn the passing of old Father time and we celebrate the birth of Baby New Year as we anticipate the potential for growth and development moving into the new year. We make New Year's resolutions, we plan out our future holidays, birthdays...and basically decide how we will be spending the brand new year, resolving to make it a better year than the last. We walk in with an attitude of HOPE and CHANGE. Hope for a better future and change of self.

I like new year's resolutions the best because for me it involves planning. I pan to to lose weight, so this is my resolution. I plan to get out of debt, or I plan to be a better person and these are the steps I plan on taking in order to make this happen. But how many of us actually follow the plan that we set out for ourselves? I honestly have to say that last year was the first year of at least a decade of broken new years' resolutions that I actually kept the one new year's resolution that I made at the beginning of 2010. I resolved to lose weight but I resolved NOT to go on a diet...ha! I lost 35 pounds. How did I do that? I HOPED and I CHANGED but most importantly I had FAITH. I hoped for a change in my life, I prayed on it and had faith that with God it would happen. I changed the foods that I ate. I basically only ate the foods from Extreme Pita. Oh I traveled across the menu my friends and had a party. I tricked my mind by not calling it a diet and I prayed not to snack past seven p.m. because that is important. Why is that important because at seven p.m. your body is winding down, you are not going to do any serious activity so when you eat late at night, all your body does is store the fats from the food you ate and add it on as body weight. Oh boy, did I have to pray on THAT one. It would tough and it took eight months but I made it happen. I am a happier more pleasant person now that I have let go of those extra pounds I did not need.

Another thing is I had FAITH. Faith is a very important aspect in life, if you do not have faith that something will happen you will not carry the right attitude about what you are trying to achieve. You will be negative and cross about all that you do and will defeat your purpose. But believing and having faith is gearing your mind for the challenge before you and telling yourself, I will work for this because in the end I will have achieved something wonderful and fulfill something that God has planned for me. I will have made my FATHER proud because I would have helped the LORD to help me. God does help those who help themselves. This is true.

It is important to give thanks after you have received a blessing and any and all good things are blessings and gifts from God, so once you have achieved with the right attitude towards the future in the New Year give thanks to God for all that you have received through him and be glad in that because you have shown great faith by fulfilling your promises.

Be strong, it takes great strenght to let old things go; if like me you were or are overweight then you have to let old habits go. Nothing changes in your life if you keep doing the same things over and over again, so you have to be strong enough to let old mess go. If it is an altercation with a loved one, forgive, if it is guilt, believe that God has forgiven you then forgive yourself. Breathe and let go. It is important to start fresh and end fresh so that you can be refreshed. Letting go of old habits, old noise, old trashy ways is a great way to find peace in the New Year. That is one great resolution to have, just tell yourself and have faith and pray: Lord allow me to learn to let go of my old trashy attitude and ways in order to think and act more like you Lord so I can have peace in the New Year. Drawing closer to the Lord by meditating on the word of God is a good way to get closer to having the mind of Christ.

Enjoy your new year, enjoy your new you, if you are not in a church family that you feel comfortable with then pray and ask God to guide you to one that will motivate you to be more outgoing in Christ. Live to worship and love to serve by telling others how good God has been to you. If we reflect on our past and we do not like what we see, know that it does not have to define what we will be in the future. You have the power to change your future and the joy of the Lord can and will be your strenght. So allow the Lord to bless you in your life. Open your hearts and resolve to love yourselves deeper and more richly in the Lord.

Be blessed all

Love,

Drisana